Happy 7th Birthday Alexis...A tribute to Lexi

Today, tax day, is Alexis' birthday. Today she turns 7. I can't believe my baby is already 7. She stands up to my arm pits for heaven's sake. Although I can't believe she is already 7 I sometimes forget that she is only 6, now 7. She is responsible, funny and very independent, unless she gets hurt (physically or emotionally - it doesn't matter). She is beautiful. I love her!

For my tribute to my beautiful daughter I thought I would share the story of her birth. It was traumatic, spiritual and emotional - probably one of the hardest things I have ever done and gone through in my life - yes I have had three more children since her, but this one was different. I have never put this into writing before, not even in a journal. Shame on me. However, this one event remains with me so vividly even to this day. Forgive me as I catalog this lengthy journey that we had to bring this precious soul into our family. This is a very personal and spiritual experience. But felt that I wanted to share it so you can understand why Lexi will always be my baby and why she is so precious to me.

My pregnancy with Alexis (all of my children for that matter) was not easy. It started out with nausea and morning - or all day long sickness from day one. I just could not keep my face out of the toilet. I lost almost 20 pounds by my 5th month. I found the only thing I could eat was oatmeal with chocolate chips in it. I could go throw it up and go back to finish the bowl. However, that didn't mean that the rest of the bowl stayed down either. It was horrible. I cried on days that I couldn't keep a single thing down in that entire day. And I literally mean nothing - water, crackers, broth, nothing!

I had an amazing doctor. He was across town from us, but he was a general practitioner in addition to being a licensed OBGYN. He had helped me through a bad car accident I had had shortly after moving to Tucson. I loved having him as my doctor so I had him be my OBGYN for this pregnancy as well. He would threaten me with hospitalization several times throughout the pregnancy. I was working full time, Josh was working and going to school. Although I wanted the best for our baby, being put in the hospital was not an option.

Luckily I was the branch manager in the office I was working. I would tell the staff that I needed a break, close my door, pull out the blanket I had in my filing cabinet and I would take a nap right there on the floor under my desk. Some days that was the only thing that got me through. During this time Josh and I were also looking to purchase our first home. The days were spent working, then meeting with the realtor, then home to pack a few boxes each night. I would literally fall into bed beyond exhausted. When I was seven months along, we closed on our house. It was a quick move and as instructed by my in-laws, who lived in town at the time, I was not allowed to do much of anything. I got yelled at quite a few times for doing too much. We were very blessed to have a lot of family and friends there to help us move.

The move went smoothly, I quickly got our home settled and not two weeks later I found out I had pregnancy induced hyper-tension (extremely high blood pressure) also known as PIH. My doctor immediately put me on modified bed rest for a a couple of days to see how my body would react to the added rest. When I went back in, it was higher. Not a good thing. I was then put on complete bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I had eight long weeks to look forward to. Other than feeling extremely tired all of the time I felt just fine so it was hard for me to sit around and do nothing.

I had many friends show up with movies and ice cream, crafts to do while laying down, visits, and so much more. I was so blessed to be loved as I am. Then one day I was conscious but I could not see - everything was black. I started having black outs with my eyes. There was also some mild swelling in my legs and feet. The doctor became very concerned. The PIH had turned into toxemia . This put a whole new level of urgency on things and he scheduled the induction of our baby for that week - the first day of our 37th week.

On Sunday evening, we went into the hospital at 7pm to start the induction. It started out with the nurse that was leaving for the night putting the IV in my arm while watching the TV that was on in the room. Within a couple of hours my whole arm was swollen because it was not in my vein - YIKES! The night nurse came in and fixed it. They had started with the jelly stuff, but that wasn't doing anything. Sometime into the night they switched it to Petocin. About 2am there was a very sharp pain in my abdomen accompanied by a very loud thunk on the fetal monitor. At that instant the hard labor started. It was then that I requested the epidural. They quickly came and gave me that and told me to rest as much as I could. The only problem was no one ever told me that an epidural is gravitational. I had to constantly lay on one side because that was the only way to keep the PIH mostly under control. By the time I was delivering the baby, all of the epidural had worn off on my left side. I was completely numb on one side and felt everything on the other - it was the most awkward (and painful) feeling.

Dr. John got there in the morning and was surprised to see things moving along as fast as they were. I explained what had happened through the night. He said we were having a baby very soon. Josh remembers when she was crowning that he thought things would move faster. Dr John still wasn't real involved and he seemed so calm. All I knew was that I was in pain but there wasn't anything we could do at that moment. Dr John was right there to coach us through. He was wonderful.

Alexis' head came through alright and then it seemed like an eternity of pushing. Then the most frightening thing I could ever imagine. Dr. John came up to my bedside and told me that her head had been out for some time. As the time continued to pass her heart rate had been dropping. Now, it was way too low and had been there for far too long. She was about to die. He told me to rest for one moment and then I had to push with everything I had to get her out now. If we couldn't get her out she wouldn't make it. I had just been pushing with everything I had. I wasn't getting anywhere. What on earth was I going to do?!?!?!?

I leaned back against the bed, sobbing, tears pouring down my checks (as they are now as I relive this). All I could do was pray. It was literally the only thing I could do. I sobbed and prayed with everything I had. I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father, asking Him to help me. I needed strength, I needed help and I needed it now. I then sat to calm myself and in that small, yet very precious moment I had a glimpse of Heaven, a vision. It is something that I hold onto to this day; something I cherish. I saw my Heavenly Father lovingly giving her a kiss on the forehead and He said, "Go. It is ok, you are ready." Along with this vision came an overflowing feeling of peace and comfort - beyond anything I can really put into words. It was then that I pushed with everything I could muster. The nurse also got up on the table and pushed from the top of my stomach down. All of the pressure caused her to completely rip me from front to back as she came out with great force. Yet, there was now another problem!!!

She was injured. She had shoulder dysotia. All of the tendons, ligaments and muscles from her neck through her left arms had been stretched, sprained and/or torn. As she came forcefully through the pressure against her shoulder and arm left her injured. Her left arm hung lifeless at her side. Since Dr. John was our general practitioner he was also her doctor. I was laying there, hemorrhaging. But I felt helpless for this new little baby. My orders were to take care of her first. I would wait. They worked with her for some period of time. I honestly don't even know how long it had been. I could feel the life draining from me very quickly.

I remember when Josh finally had her in his arms. He came over and showed her to me. At that point they were finally working on me, but I had no strength to even lift my arms to see this beautiful little baby girl. Hours passed and passed. I was finally stable enough to be moved to a recovery room. I remember finally getting up to use the restroom and about fainted. I was scared. A ghost just looked back at me in the mirror. Josh was so good, so kind, unbelievably supportive. He told me that I had so much more color than I had just hours before. They honestly weren't sure if I would make it. Of course, I did.

It was a long process with Lexi's arm. The palsy she had becomes permanent in the vast majority of babies born with this condition. It was daily exercises and therapies for her arm. She received a priesthood blessing in the hospital the day she was born. I know that was the miracle that caused this to be a temporary thing for her.

When Lexi was about two weeks old, she was up through the night one night. Just fussing. Nothing we did would calm her. I sent Josh back to bed and walked and sang to her through the house. All of the sudden I felt a feeling come over me that something was very wrong. Then the next thing I knew, it felt like I had just completely wet my pants, but I didn't go to the bathroom. I ran to the bedroom, basically threw the baby to Josh and continued on to the bathroom. Sure enough, I was hemorrhaging very, very bad. Josh called the doctor who told him to rush me to the hospital. I was in need of a blood transfusion. I had already lost too much blood when she was born and and was still recuperating from the birth. He said I couldn't afford to loose any more. I refused to go. I was just stubborn. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to lie down in my own bed and sleep.

After a little bit, Josh came in and said that Dr. John told him that I had to be in the office before they opened in the morning. Alexis had calmed down at that point and I was finally able to sleep for a while. When we went in, it just turned out that not all of the placenta had discharged when she was born and my body was quickly eliminating what it needed to. I was fine. However, he still wanted me to have a blood transfusion. I still was extremely stubborn and told him no!

Needless to say, it was several weeks before everything was good with no worries. Every day Lexi's arm got stronger and stronger. Every day I got stronger and stronger. When I finally realized that there would not be any permanent conditions for either of us all I could do was pray and thank my Heavenly Father for answering prayers. I was thankful for enough faith to believe the words of the blessings we both had received.

Today, seven years later, Alexis is a vibrate young lady. I love this girl. She is an exact copy of my personality - to a T. It is almost scary. I also have an new found respect for my own mom through the rearing of this child. Because of our duplicate personalities we butt heads, but I also understand her so well. She is my little angel, my miracle from above. It was during her birth that I came to know the great depth of love that my Heavenly Father has for me, individually. She is our firstborn. She added a new depth of love into our family. This special experience is one the I will treasure for the rest of my life. I almost lost her. I am grateful that it was not the will of our Father in Heaven to take her from me at that time. The feeling of that as a mother is not one I ever want to relive. And now it is documented so one day she will be able to read it and understand the circumstances that came about during her birth.

I love you Alexis.

Love,
Mommy