peace of mind, heart and soul

This week is proving to be very long for me, but at the same time it has been one full of hope, peace and love. I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy. It had been weighing heavy on me. I wasn't sure how I would continue to cover every base and make everything work out. I was worried that it might be too much for me to deal with.

I have continued to spend much time this week thinking, in prayer, pondering, reading scriptures, talking it out with a couple of people and just feeling. I turned to one of my many sister in laws who I knew had been dealing with my exact predicament just a few short months ago. It was good to talk with her and have her to help ease my mind a little. She gave me some advice, counsel and reminded me of the love Heavenly Father has for me and my family.

As I have read this week there are several scriptures that have been key to me.

Doctrine & Covenants 78:17 & 18 (one provided by my sister)
"Verily, Verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you."
"And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours."

1 Nephi 4:6
"And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do."

1 Nephi 17:3
"And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them..."

Alma 5:45-46
"And this is not all, Do ye suppose that I know of these things myself? Behold I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety?"
"Behold, I say unto you they are made known unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. Behold I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of revelation which is in me."


It might all be confusing to everyone else because these are each so different and don't all deal with the same things, but these have helped me to understand more the plan for my own family. I know we have a work to accomplish. I have felt the testifying truth and power come into my heart and mind. The beginning of this week I wasn't seeing how everything was possible. I was afraid that I would fail in the role that I personally have, but also in my supporting role as wife and mother. I knew the fear wasn't coming from a good place. I was working hard to push it aside and was still having a difficult time doing just that.

Then, my sister, without knowing it this time, came to my rescue again. She sent me a link to a blog to read. It is a sad, scary, frustrating and then enlightening, miraculous story of a woman who had almost lost her son to a drowning in their tub. She has the same religious beliefs as I do so I understood a lot of her thoughts and ideas. I sat and read in tears, just full of sorrow for her - a woman I don't know and will never meet. I then came to her February 5th post and it hit me hard! You can read the blog here if you would like. This is what she said:

"I realized that faith can not grow where fear is allowed to dwell.

There is not room in my heart for both.

Fear is the paralyzing agent of the adversary.

A first line of his defense.
And so I made a choice.
I must choose faith. Choose to believe. Despite the odds.

Despite the grim news. Despite the reality before us.
No matter how vulnerable and unguarded I let myself become, I will not, I can not fear.
I swallowed hard. Past the unbearable burn in my throat.

And chose to let go of the fear. Chasing it out with my faith."

It was so beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear right at that moment. I, too, had to just make a choice. Was I going to let the fear of the unknown control me? Was I willing to allow it to destroy the faith I had? I couldn't. I can't. Was I going to step up to my task and just face it head on with my shoulders square. This is what I need to do. I also made the choice and decided that I just needed to let go of fear and know that God has things in His hands. I may not see the tapestry being woven, but I know I am a part of it.

Shortly after this personal revelation, I was having a conversation with my Mother in Law. She was giving me some additional counsel she said, "Don't forget the most important scripture, 'Be still, and know that I am God.'" It was true, I just needed to let Him direct our path, knowing that He has the plan worked out if we will just follow it. I was at peace; I felt the love rush in and knew Heavenly Father would help us along the way if we would just listen and obey with faith.

Finally, last night I had a visit. This short visit was further evidence of the love Heavenly Father has for me. A lot of my worry and burden had been lifted. I know He is mindful of me and knows my heart and righteous desires to do what is right, to teach my children, to love them and be there for them as well as a support to my dear husband and the responsibilities that he has as well. I know the path along the way will not be easy, but I know that I will be strengthened and lifted up when I need it. I know blessings will be poured out upon our heads - as they already are now.

I am so grateful that I have learned and grown throughout this week. It has been amazing for me to grow closer to my Heavenly Father and to feel the strength and blessings flowing in the lives of my family. Although the week started out a little rough for me, I am at peace, I feel His love for me and I know that I can go and do the things that He commands me to do.