Bittersweet and a lot of love

As I lay here typing this at the end of my first full day of bed rest I have to admit that it is a bittersweet experience. It is only day one. Less emotional and stressful than yesterday, but still a difficult thing to endure. It is hard to have everything done for you. Especially in the role of a mother. To know that you physically can't do everything - well most anything really, for the kids, the husband, the house, etc. Emotionally it can get very taxing. To add to that you know your husband is already a bit stressed about many things and although he won't admit it, worries about you incessantly. I love him more than anything and am grateful for him. I feel terrible that this has come at this time. He has been extremely busy over the last few weeks between his job and the Bishopric that I had been taking everything I possibly could off of his plate. Now all of that and so much more has just literlly been dumped there without a lot of warning. He is my rock and just continues on with a smile on his face, being as patient with everything as possible. He is truly SUPERMAN!!!!

My two older kids have already stepped up to help more. The third helps in her own right while trying to understand why mom can't just jump and run. Then of course there is the little guy who just wants to be "normal". When he is here he is much more snugly and clingy to me.

There has been a tremendous outpouring of love that has just plain overwhelmed me and put me in a state of awe. The tender mercies that continue every hour are tremendous!! My phone did not stop ringing this morning with people who want to help. Help in offering meals, child care, a phone conversation, just wanting to know how I was holding up, to offering me the use of a lap top to be able to still get some work done that I still have to even though I have to be in a prone position. Don't you wish finances and other things could also be put on hold when the rest of life has to be? The inspiration that people feel is amazing and is more edivence of a loving Heavenly Father who knows our needs and knows who can fill those needs. Thank you to all of you who have already acted on promptings and are helping us.

I was told today that people have offered clear through the end of June to bring in meals, to have child care provided for me at least three week days of each week. I know not many who might read this have ever been put in the position that I am in. While others might have firm understanding because they have been there and done that. This is my fourth baby to be put on strict bed rest with, while my little guy it was only moderate. I tell you that it doesn't get any easier each time it happens. I do care a lot less about the house and things that don't matter any way each time this has happened. With the first one or two I still wanted my house spotless and without having multiple kids around it was possible. By the third I just began to understand that it wasn't important any more. I also learn that people can serve and help and I just need to let them do it in their own way. When I was put on bed rest with baby number two I still wanted things a certain way when people dealt with child #1. Now, it just doesn't matter. Part of that comes from not having my kids on any particular schedule any more - there is much more flexibility with them, but more because I am so eternally gratefully for the help that comes and honestly just don't care about the specifics.

I do admit that it is still hard to just lay back and accept it. The difficulty isn't because I don't want help, need the help, or can't take it. It is just an internal struggle that I should be the one getting my kids a meal or taking care of them. I remind myself that it is ok to accept the love that is shown towards my family. I know if the roles were reversed I would be right there doing everything I could to help someone else. Josh also reminds me of that constantly - Let them help and serve so they can get their own blessings. With that I just smile, even when I am on the phone, and say "Thank you". Those two little words really don't do justice to the gratitude and love that I feel for each of these dear friends who are watching out for me. I am grateful to have this support system and know that I can call handfuls of people if I need to. To each of you that are helping and read my crazy anticts - THANK YOU!!!! I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE, ARE DOING, AND CONTINUE TO DO!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!!!!!