Pregnancy update and explanations...

I enjoyed reading all of the guesses from my "We have a surprise" announcement. Some just made me laugh. All of the guesses from the last post are indeed correct. We are expecting baby number 5. Several months ago Josh and I both felt very strongly that we were to be having another baby right now. I am always excited for the end result - to have a new baby to hold and love - it is just the 9 months leading up to it that scare me to death. I have had several people tell me in the last week that the "word on the street" is that my pregnancies are "difficult", "hard", "usually ending with bed rest." Well, let me explain a little of what I endure with a pregnancy.

To say that my pregnancies are difficult is a HUGE understatement. I get such severe morning sickness that generally does not stop with the end of the first trimester. These past weeks have been so trying for me. I have not kept more than an apple, or one bottle of water down in any given day, with many days nothing staying down. It definitely becomes scary when you realize that you have not kept a single thing down in more than three days. I keep trying to eat hoping something will work, but it doesn't. Sometimes the heaving is so bad that the blood vessels in my face and eyes break and leave me with red splotches. I have no energy, no focus, I am in a survival mode right now. I have only been getting out when I absolutely have to. The prescription Zofran is a huge help. Unfortunately it doesn't take everything away, but anything is a big improvement on what I am facing now. The doctor's office couldn't get me in for my first prego appt until 12/16. I can't wait that long for this drug. I called my Dr this morning. I am praying that they will just be able to call in my wonderful prescription - if they can not, it may just need to be a hospital visit. It feels better to be re-hydrated and they can do Zofran through the IV - yes, I do speak from many past experiences. I ended up in the hospital several times for two of my pregnancies. Some pregnancies I lost up to 20 pounds before the sickness stopped (I promise this is not my idea of an ideal weight loss program).

When all of the sickness does finally subside (which could be month 4, 5 or even 6 - who knows) it will be a waiting game. With my three girls, my blood pressure shot up and then other symptoms would occur (loss of vision, blurriness, swelling, etc) that would all point to toxemia and ultimately bed rest - it was 3 weeks of bed rest with Lexi - with her being born two weeks early; six weeks with MacKenzie with her being born at 34 1/2 weeks; and 11 weeks with Bailey also being born 2 weeks early. When my blood pressure is that high, I have to stay laying down on my left side. The only times I am allowed to get up is when I have to use the rest room and occasionally take a shower. Then of course there are the more frequent DR visits and/or every other day Non Stress Tests (NST) at the hospital to make sure the baby is ok. Technically, I am supposed to have someone with me at all times because my risk of a stroke or blacking out is high. This also means no driving, or anything extra. It is a trial to say the very least. Pregnancy has been the one time in my life that I have had to ask for help. Through the years many friends and family members have stepped in to help me when this happens. There would have been no way I, or my family for that matter, could have made it through without them.

Surprisingly my blood pressure stayed on a safe, but higher place with Brendon. I did have a lot of pre-term labor with him that I never had with the girls that put me on a modified best rest, but nothing full blown like the others. Then of course I have to have C-sections. It wasn't until Lexi was born that we realized that I would have a problem with delivering a baby. You would have to read Lexi's birth story to understand what I mean. So, C-Sections it is.

Then of course, I slightly inherited my mom's Protein S deficiency. I have been tested for this deficiency multiple times. When I am not pregnant they are just fine. When I am pregnant that is a whole other story. This Protein in the blood is what controls the clotting of the blood. Every pregnant woman's Protein S level drops during pregnancy so that the bleeding can get under control with the birth of a baby. The safe levels are 75 to 150 protein counts. Mine become almost nonexistent - with levels, like 5 or 6. I don't know why they drop so much when I am pregnant, but that is what happens. This means that I am at an extremely high risk of having blood clots - it is almost inevitable with levels like that, but that risk is severely compounded by the fact that I have C-sections. When the body is injured (or cut open for a surgery/C-section) it automatically starts clotting the blood to stop bleeding and start the healing process. With already having the predisposition to clot, it literally becomes a life or death situation for me. What does this mean? This means that as soon as baby is born the doctor flushes my IV with Heparin (blood thinning medication) and for the 6 weeks afterward I have to give myself 2 Heparin shots a day into my stomach. As difficult as it is to get up the courage to do the shots - I know that the alternative would most likely be that I am not the one to raise my children. While I am in the hospital I also have to wear special boots that go up most of my legs to keep the blood circulating. It just becomes a crazy mess. Nursing is a whole other mess that I won't begin to tackle here.

So there you go. I am scared, worried, frustrated. I have learned that this is just a trial that I face in life. As I lay on the couch I just watch my husband and children play and enjoy their sweetness. It reminds me that it is worth it in the end. I feel terrible when Josh just sits by me with a worried expression. I question and all he can say is that he feels helpless. I do as well. But, to have moments when the kids come bring me pictures and whatever they can to help me feel better; the "I love you, Mom"s ; they have even spent time rubbing my back while I am huddled over "my best friend" saying "it will be ok", "I love you mommy". Brendon even comes in rubs my back and says, "You K mommy? You K?" They come rub my head, just cuddle with me, anything they can seem to do to be near me. It simply warms my heart and brings me great joy in a dark moment.

I know that it will pass. I know that each birth it is that much sweeter. Overcoming such a trial always has a wonderful ending. That first cry makes everything worth it. It helps me to know that each of my children is a tremendous gift from God. To have such a struggle to get them here they must have an important work to do. They are great kids. They are certainly NOT perfect, but we work hard to teach them - not only about the most important things in life, like about our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ and their plan for us and our family, but also life long lessons (in attitude, responsibilities, behavior, work, integrity, and stewardship) that will give them an advantage in their lives.

Yes, it is a trial for several more months. But we will survive and overcome it. With the Lord's help we always do.